Therapy: Book One in the Doctors Smith & Saxon series
by ss9
Summary: Modern AU: On paper Dr John Smith has it all, wealth, a prestigious career and a pretty young girlfriend. Yet a seemingly terminal case of writer's block threatens to destroy everything, his career in tatters Clara suggests therapy. Will Dr Saxon provide the solution to his problems or will she send his world further into chaos?


-/-

He didn't want to be here, he was only here because Clara's tear filled eyes had extracted a promise that he would and although he would often lie the Doctor was not a man to break his word once he had given it. That didn't mean he had to cooperate, in fact Dr John Smith was determined to do the exact opposite. He was here as he promised; he would sit here for the allotted half an hour session that Clara had blackmailed him into with those large brown eyes of hers.

He wouldn't submit himself to questions; if necessary he would sit here in stony silence.

Then he would go home, he would allow Clara to nag him into eating something and he would smile and pretend that he had found it useful. Then he would vanish into his study to get some writing done and Clara would know he was lying. He hadn't written a word in months. Yet the study meant sanctuary. It meant shutting out the world and avoiding that disappointed look in Clara's eyes as he brushed aside her hand on his sleeve and told her to go to bed without him.

Tapping his fingers against the polished wooden arms of the armchair he was currently occupying John glanced down at the antique Rolex currently decorating his wrist. It was one of a large selection of timepieces had had collected over the years, each one purchased after a momentous occasion in his life.

This one had been picked up during that trip to New York after his third book had topped the bestseller list…another life…another man…or at least that was how he felt most days.

Yet now it's only purpose was to remind him how far the mighty had fallen, oh and to highlight that his new therapist was late, almost three minutes…three minutes that he had better not being charged for. Still it was difficult not to feel conflicted, he hated being made to wait, yet every second this Doctor Saxon took to arrive was one less second he had to spend under the microscope.

Finally the door opened and John's scowl only deepened as in walked a slender brunette with a model's cheekbones, sashaying into the room in ridiculous heels before setting down a sheaf of folders on the large mahogany desk.

"I'm sorry we are a little short-handed around here today one of the secretaries has gone down with the flu…have you been offered a coffee?" The surprisingly familiar lilt of a Scottish accent had John take a second look, and then a third as very blue eyes met his gaze with quiet confidence.

"No." John grunted dismissively, dropping his gaze and flicking a piece of lint from the cuff of his suit jacket. "But if it isn't too much trouble." He doubted this woman had been hired for her coffee making skills and his already low opinion of the absent Dr Saxon fell further.

Yet that didn't stop him from surreptitiously admiring the view as she leant over the desk and pushed the button on the intercom. It really was a nice skirt…fitted…and John pushed aside the fluttering of guilt that even by noticing such a thing he was betraying Clara. The girl who had impossibly stuck by him after everything that he had put her through over the last year, a person he still loved deeply, yet it just wasn't the same as it had been…

"Mary can you scrounge up a pot of the good coffee please?" Then with a glance back over her shoulder, ice blue eyes raking over him as John did his best to hide his surprise. "And break out some of my secret stash I think we've got a sweet tooth."

Shifting awkwardly in his chair John did his best to hide his discomfort as she turned back around, his discomfort only growing as she continued to watch him closely.

"Doctor Saxon I presume?" John was the first to break the tense atmosphere, feeling somewhat ashamed of himself for his chauvinistic mistake.

"And you must be Mr Smith?"

"Doctor John Smith…Most people just call me Doctor." John corrected her automatically his face creased in one of his customary scowls, surprised when Dr Saxon merely smiled as she sank down into the companion arm chair instead of moving to sit behind the desk like John had expected.

"Well since we are equals John perhaps we should leave the qualifications at the door. I was christened Marsaili after my grandmother but I go by Missy…and here is the coffee…Mary you are a lifesaver." Missy Saxon added just as the door opened and a mousey looking woman who had secretary written all over her bustled in and set down the coffee and a plate of…

"Are those Montrose cakes?" John's eyebrows crept up his brow as he stared down at the plate of little cakes that had been set down on the table.

"They are."

"But where do you get them from…I've been living in London on and off for years and never found them." John spluttered as he selected one of them and brought it up to his nose, breathing in the scent of nutmeg and a hint of roses.

"I have a secret supplier." Missy replied with a smirk as she picked up the cafetiere. "Now shall I be mother?"

Nodding absently John placed the tiny cake in his mouth, his tastebuds melting at the combination of flavours that evoked memories of his childhood. One of the few happy memories he could still recall from when he was very young, before the orphanage and its harsh deprivations, of his grandmother's baking filling the house with delicious smells.

"Milk?"

Startled by the sudden question that dragged him unwillingly back to the present John could only nod sharply from beneath creased eyebrows.

"Please help yourself to sugar." Missy Saxon offered before taking several cubes for herself and loading them into her coffee cup.

Clearly his surprise was reflected on his face as the slender brunette smiled as she stirred them in. "I have a poor track record with actual meals."

Nodding in understanding John mimicked her actions only he took four, staring down into the muddy depths of his coffee cup in order to avoid meeting those piercing blue eyes.

"So John what was it you came here today to talk about?"

The sudden bluntness of the question just as he was about to talk a sip of his coffee caused the Doctor to scowl.

"I didn't." He replied just as bluntly, yet it didn't seem put Missy off in the slightest as she sat there silently sipping her coffee and waiting for him to continue. Huffing slightly the Doctor hunkered down behind his cup. "Clara made the appointment not me."

"And Clara is?"

It was a good question and the Doctor tripped over the answer. Once upon a time it would have been girlfriend or partner but now…they lived together and they loved each other but the Doctor hesitated over whether that meant they were still together. After all every day when he woke up in his study alone he wondered if today would be the day Clara finally came to her senses and left him.

"A friend." That was the label that best fit these days.

"And one who you respect enough to follow her advice." Missy added evenly. "So why does Clara think you need someone to talk to?"

"I do not need therapy." The Doctor huffed his blue grey eyes turning stormy at the mere thought. "I need inspiration which is a hell of a lot more difficult to come by. It is just writer's block, once I get past it everything else will sort itself out."

"And by everything else?"

"Look I know you are only trying to do your job but I really do not intend to sit here and pour my heart out and have you pick over my bones. I came because Clara asked me to, I will stay for the half an hour but I have no intention of coming back."

"Alrighty then." Missy replied with a smile and shrug, her blue eyes glinting with something that looked suspiciously like amusement. "So since you will be here for the next twenty or so minutes how would you like to spend the time?"

"I am happy to sit in silence…"

"Now that sounds like a dull way to pass the time, how about we just talk about something else…anything you like…I won't even charge for the half an hour session." Missy added lifting her hand to fall stall the Doctor's protests. "I mean surely two well-educated and interesting persons such as ourselves would be able to hold a civil perhaps even interesting conversation?"

"Nothing personal?" John checked, relaxing a little when Missy nodded and seemed to drop a mask herself, kicking off those ridiculous heels of hers with a sigh and curled her stocking'd feet up underneath her.

Yet starting a conversation with a stranger was no longer one of his strong suits and John's eyes raked the impersonal wall of the therapist's office for something to latch on to, before his eyes lighted on the books stacked up on a chair.

"You're interested in astrophysics?" The question was tripping from his tongue and there was no hiding the incredulity in his tone.

"At the moment." Missy shrugged casually. "I'm an avid reader always have been and I cannot abide not knowing things, so at the moment its astrophysics, next week it might be art in the renaissance period. I hate being bored."

"Well some of those look a little advanced for an introduction." John replied knowledgeably. "I might suggest you try Kip Thornes book on Black Holes and Time Warps for a non-technical introduction."

"Oh I've read it and his earlier work Gravitation." Missy sighed waving. "A little dull in places but I can see why it is held up as the early bible of general relativity texts."

"But it's over 1200 pages."

"I know, hence the dull bits." Missy smirked back before reaching down and selecting one of the little cakes and popping it into her mouth with an audible sigh of pleasure. "Please help yourself." She added pushing the plate in her guest's direction after she caught him eyeing them with interest.

Caving into his sweet tooth John picked up two, enjoying the familiar taste as he sipped at his coffee, surprised how comfortable it was to sit here with this stranger.

"So are you going to tell me where you get these from?"

"I don't know it depends..." Missy replied teasingly, those piercing blue eyes of hers suddenly playful.

"On what?"

"On whether that qualifies as a personal question or not?" She added her smile turning a little wicked as John rolled his eyes yet he was unable to hide his amusement at her cheek.

"I think we can risk it." John deadpanned, "Unless of course you are a closet baker as well as an avid reader", pleased when that elicited a bark of laughter.

"Dear god no, I burn water." Missy retorted, her laughter bringing a pleasant glow to her face. "Hence the sugar/meal replacement strategy."

"Careful I think that bordered on the personal information front." John pointed out his normally stern lips twitching slightly in an approximation of a smile. "I suggest a speedy withdrawal or I will have to cut our time short and I haven't even finished my coffee, which is a shame since it is rather excellent."

"Nothing quite so controversial I assure you but might I offer a peace offering?"

"Don't tell me you have Dundee cake as well?" John reposted, his eyes twinkling in muted pleasure at the harmless verbal fencing.

"No but I know a baker that does." Missy exclaimed before uncurling herself from her armchair and padding barefoot over to her desk.

This time when she leant across the desk, her shorter height causing her to bend further to retrieve her notebook, John couldn't help but stare. That really was a lovely skirt. Only this time it was more than guilty feelings of Clara that unsettled him, it almost felt disrespectful to Missy herself and yet he couldn't not look. It was an excellent skirt after all and it stirred uncomfortable thoughts that John hadn't suffered from in quite some time…

"There you go." Missy's exclamation jarred John back to the present and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding her gaze as she returned to her seat and placed a folded note on the coffee table between him. "Now don't go passing that around or I won't be able to get my fix when I need it."

"Thank you." The Doctor replied gruffly his eyes now firmly locked on his coffee cup as he willed down certain impulses. Downing his coffee he sat the now empty cup on the table, surreptitiously glancing at his Rolex. There was only five minutes left of his original session, if he just sat here for a couple more minutes he could then start to leave.

"Do you ever regret leaving?"

Missy's sudden question threw him; it diverged completely from their non-personal commitment.

"Scotland I mean…coming to London?" Missy clarified her eyes softening slightly as she seemed to be somewhere else.

"I don't know." John answered honestly surprising them both. "It seemed like the right move at the time." And it had been mostly good to him, a prodigious career, a beautiful younger woman.

"I know what you mean. I love the opportunities here but some things still feel so alien… like the traffic… I've been here for ten years and it still surprises me how busy the streets are. Sometimes it's too hard to just breathe."

"Or think, it's so noisy, so rushed."

"And no one seems to take the time to just sit and talk, they are always plugged into some device or other and you end up feeling like you're talking to a brick wall sometimes."

Nodding along in simpatico John shared similar feelings of frustration, yet he had assumed his feelings of being out of step with the world were unique to himself. Merely the problems of a man old before his time, frustrated by his own inability to keep up…to be good enough…

"When did life get so complicated?"

"Don't ask me I'm a shrink not a sage." Missy retorted with a snort of laughter, her eyes crinkling slightly at the edges, yet these tell-tale signs of her maturity only seemed to add to her appeal not take away from it and for the first time John admitted to himself a pang of regret that this would be their first and only meeting.

He didn't need a therapist, but a friend, a kindred spirit, those he was sorely short on and London felt so isolating when your luck had turned against you.

Somewhere in the room a clock began to chime the hour and reluctantly John got to his feet, reaching down for his gabardine overcoat.

"This has been surprisingly pleasant." He offered awkwardly, now towering above the diminutive woman who still sat curled up in her chair, as he hovered about like a nervous adolescent.

"It has…thank you for the conversation. It has been a pleasure to meet you John Smith." Missy replied in her usual blunt fashion, those too blue eyes of hers gazing up at him warmly, a smile playing about her lips and John wondered how long it had been since anyone had cause to smile at him or thank him for his company?

It warmed something cold inside of him and he felt the corners of his mouth lift, stiffly as if unused to the action, yet it was technically a smile.

"You too Doc…"

"John I thought we agreed no titles." Missy chided him those blue eyes twinkling and John could actually feel a blush threatening, a man of his age.

"It has been interesting talking to you Marsaili." He replied an actual grin threatening as Missy mocked glared at him.

"Now who is taking liberties?" She huffed before getting to her feet sliding her feet back into her ridiculous heels, just as he moved to leave, before they could get to that awkward to shake hands or not moment that he hated.

"Well goodbye then."

He had almost made it a foot in the direction of the door before she had called out to him to stop.

"Wait you forgot this."

Turning around sharply John was suddenly confronted by a near collision as Missy moved towards him the moment he turned back towards her, her veering back on her heels and grasping for something to prevent a fall, his jacket, just as he automatically reached out to steady her. The moment his hand touched her hip it was like being struck by lightning, electricity ran rampant through his body locking him in position as this enigma of a woman came swinging back into his personal space.

Too bright blue eyes danced level with his nose, the sudden warmth and scent that was distinctly female and yet subtly so…roses…lovely…and he couldn't resist breathing her in.

For a moment their gazes locked and John was astonished to see his own stunned reaction mirrored in her face, her confident expression shaken, pupils darkening as their breath continued to mix. It would be so easy all he had to do was tilt his head and already he could see her mirroring his actions.

The sudden buzz of the intercom shattered the mood and John backpedalled in horror…What had he been thinking?

"Apologies Dr Saxon but your next appointment has arrived." The ever efficient Mary's voice was akin to a bucket of water being thrown, and the pair separated quickly, Missy backing into her desk and John fleeing for the door.

"I should…I'm sorry I have to leave." John stuttered, suddenly unable to meet her gaze.

"Yes…you're right I'm sorry I don't know what…well goodbye Dr Smith."

"Goodbye Dr Saxon." John embraced the return to formality even if part of him spoiled in disappointment at the sudden coolness of her tone.

As he stepped out of the office to be confronted by the every efficient and smiling Mary, the Doctor didn't even feel bad about scowling at the woman who had through no fault of her own burst his bubble and brought him crashing back down into the ruins of his real life.

Ignoring her parting words he tugged on his overcoat and stormed out into the gathering darkness of a November evening. Yet as his feet took him along wet pavements instead of hailing a cab and he was forced to dodge the bustling traffic, John found his sour mood lifting slightly. She was right there really was too much traffic but there was nothing anyone could do about it; just like it was ridiculous to let one moment of almost madness ruin what had turned out to be a better than expected afternoon.

After all nothing had really happened, just some coffee and pleasant conversation…and the sudden resurrection of a libido he had thought dead and buried along with his literary talent.

It took him almost an hour to walk home, the cool wintry air filling his lungs, the exercise clearing his mind and by the time he arrived at his front door he was almost chipper, the spark and clash of ideas beginning to germinate in his brain as his palms began to itch excitedly.

Before his key was in the door it was being opened by a concerned looking Clara who actually did a double take when he smiled at her.

"Doctor you're so late I was beginning to worry…"

"I'm fine Clara." John insisted, surprising her by pressing a light kiss to her forehead as he all but ripped off his overcoat in his hurry.

"Better than fine in fact." He added kicking off his shoes and making a beeline for his study, Clara following in his wake like a little lost duckling. "I have an idea."

"So the therapy was not as bad as you thought?" Clara persisted, her pleasure at seeing his excitement only soured by the fact that his first reaction was to pay attention to his long neglected typewriter and not her.

"We could order in some takeaway and you could tell me all about it?" She offered hopefully, her heart sinking as he merely waved her aside.

"Later Clara later." He insisted, already wrapped up in the beginnings of what he knew would be the idea that would resurrect his career and would finally repay his long suffering publishers faith in him.

Taking a seat at his typewriter the rest of the world faded away and slowly on the pages in front of him emerged the creation of his latest lead character. Her bright blue eyes gazing up at him from within the embryonic beginnings of his novel, her soft lilting words flowed from his fingers out of her lips and he could only stand back and marvel at his Marsaili; the girl who would take on the world and win.

-/-


End file.
